Wisdom and Discipline Concerning Children
Hebrews 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Hebrews 12:6 For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives.
In other words, Whom the Lord loves, he chastens and scourges.
I. Discipline of the Lord
1. Is discipline
2. Not all chastening is scourging
3. There are different forms of chastening/discipline found in the Word
1. Scourging is part of chastening
2. Spanking is a type of scourging
II. Forms of discipline
A. The Holy Spirit
1. The Spirit of God begins to deal with our heart
2. Our heart condemns us so that we know that we have done something wrong
B. The Word of God
1. God will use circumstances around us which have resulted from something that we have done wrong
2. God will use circumstances to try to pull us back in line with His will
III. Pressure from the world against disciplining/spanking children
A. The world thinks "Animals do not need to be spanked so why should children?"
B. The world thinks "Children are born with an inherent ability to know right from wrong."
IV. Children are born with the nature of the flesh, animals are not
A. Children are not born with a knowledge of what is right
B. Children are born with a knowledge of what is wrong and have to be trained to know what is right and wrong
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
A. Written by Solomon
B. Chapter 1-29 are the teachings that Solomon recalled from his father, David
C. Chapter 30, (especially the last half), were teachings that Solomon recalled from his mother, Bathsheba
1. Solomon did not heed much of his mother's advice
2. Solomon never succeeded in finding a virtuous woman
a. Had 700 wives
b. Had 300 concubines
Proverbs 1:1 The Proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel
D. Proverbs: Hebrew word is “machele” meaning rule or standard
E. The essence of the book of Proverbs is striving to transfer external
rules/standards by instilling them into our children so that they become internal rules/standards
1. The rules and standards on the inside of us come from the Word of God
2. Rules and standards from the Word of God never change
a. Man's attitudes may change
b. Men may change their rules
c. The Word of God never changes, therefore, it must be instilled in the hearts of our children
VI. External/Internal standards
A. Young children must be given external standards
1. Until children develop in their ability to understand, external standards are necessary
2. Children should eventually develop internal standards that are a result of the Word of God
B. The greatest and most effective way to teach children (aside from the Word of God) is by example
VII. Wisdom and Instruction
Proverbs 1:2 To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding.
A. Wisdom and instruction are found together throughout the book of Proverbs
B. Hebrew word for wisdom means wisdom which comes through experience
1. Experience reinforces what the child is being taught
2. Experience will help the child understand what is being taught experience: that which is pounded in
C. Repetition is vital to instruction and wisdom
I Peter 1:12 Wherefore, I will not be negligent to put you always in remembrance of these things, though you know them, and be established in the present truth.
D. Hebrew word for instruction is “musar”, meaning discipline
1. Children need teaching
2. Children also need discipline
Proverbs 1:2-4 To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding;
To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity;
To give subtlety to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.
E. For a child to perceive the words of understanding they must have wisdom
1. Wisdom comes from experience
2. Wisdom comes from discipline
F. Disciplines of wisdom
G. The way that children learn to treat others honestly, fairly and with right judgment and discernment is through both teaching and discipline
Proverbs 1:7-9 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
My son, hear the instruction of your father, and forsake not the law of your mother:
For they shall be an ornament of grace unto your head, and chains about your neck.
Verse 8 could be translated My son, hear the discipline of your father, and forsake not the teaching of your mother.
VIII. Parents are the greatest teachers
A. Parents often feel inadequate, but God has equipped them
B. God is not looking for perfect parents
C. God is looking for parents that will accept responsibility
D. Mothers have an innate ability to teach their children
E. Fathers have an innate ability to discipline children
F. Both parents can teach or discipline when necessary
G. The father and mother are a team
Proverbs 6:20-23 My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not the law of your mother:
Bind them continually upon your heart, and tie them about your neck.
When you go, it shall lead you; when you sleep, it shall keep you; and when you awake, it shall talk with you.
For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are a way of life.
IX. Meditation of the Word
A. …keep your father's commandment, and forsake not the law of your mother
As children meditate on what the father and mother teach them and the lifestyle that is being led before them, the Word will be put in their hearts
B. Bind them continually upon your heart, and tie them about your neck
1. The neck controls the head from looking from side to side
2. The word in a child's heart can keep him from the distractions of the world
C. When you go, it shall lead you; when you sleep, it will keep and guard you; and when you awake, it will talk with you
1. Refers to the law, instruction, discipline, teaching of parents
2. Teaching and discipline should become an internal standard for the child
3. When the child leaves home, the Word should be an internal standard
4. When children leave the home, parents can completely release them into the hands of the Lord because the Word that has been placed in the heart
X. Single Parent Homes
A. Jesus said that divorce is sometimes necessary
B. The Word of God can make up the difference in a single parent home
C. The Holy Spirit can make up the difference in a single parent home
1. Father deserted him at a very young age
2. Raised by his mother and grandmother
3. Raised under a strict upbringing with an abundance of the Word of God
4. Paul became a spiritual father to Timothy
E. Godly role models can be found in the church for those who come single parent homes
XI. Teaching by Example
A. The greatest form of discipline is living a lifestyle that conforms with the Word that you are trying to teach your children
B. Many parents make the mistake of saying one thing and doing another (ie-"Don't smoke" but the parents smoke. "You must go to church" but the parents drop kids off at youth and don't go to church themselves)
C. It is very important that a parent's actions back up what they say because this becomes a great teacher in the life of a child
Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, Obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.
children: refers to very young children
XII. Children are instructed to obey parents
A. Two promises for obedience
2. A long life
B. While children are very young, obedience to parents will bring blessings in their lives in the same way that the Word of God will when they are older
III John 2 Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
XIII. Prospering of the soul
A. The more Word that is learned, the more the soul prospers
B. The more the soul prospers, the more God can trust you with finances
C. God wants us full of the Word of God so He can trust us with great blessings
Deuteronomy 28:1 & 2 And it shall come to pass, IF you shall hearken diligently unto the voice of the Lord your God, to observe and to do all his commandments which I command you this day, that the Lord your God will set you on high above all nations of the earth:
And all these blessings shall come on you and overtake you IF you shall hearken unto the voice of the Lord your God.
XIV. After children leave the home, obedience to the Word will bring blessings
Ephesians 6:4 And, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
A. Teaching must accompany discipline to be effective in a child's life
B. Parents often discipline with no instruction
C. Discipline with no instruction leads to provoking children to wrath
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
A. Children need to be trained
B. A trainer is one who shows others how to perform a task
1. One who has "been there"
2. One who knows how to "get there"
3. Not only teaches but also instructs
4. One who lives what they are teaching to others
5. Does not just read a set of instructions and then expect others to follow
C. The training that children receive from the lifestyle of parents is much more powerful than the words that are spoken to them
D. Many parents end up shipwrecked with their children because they simply read the Word and do not live it